Have you ever heard of “tell, tell, silence, yell”? This happens when we repeatedly ask a coworker to correct something, and then if they don’t, we give up until we can’t take it anymore. This may even cause us to accidentally yell or do something else drastic we’d eventually have to apologize for. No matter how resourceful, practiced, or trained you are, there will always be situations where you run out of ideas, skills, time, and/or energy. To avoid this trap, you can be more strategic (and professional!) in how you talk to your coworkers about performance issues.
Learn how to be more strategic (and professional!) in how you talk to your coworkers about performance issues.
Scenario: The Lazy Coworker
Let’s imagine there’s someone on your team that you view as lazy. They don’t get their paperwork to you on time, and it often leaves you scrambling. What follows is a list of steps that will help you address these types of performance issues:
Step 1: Talk to them. Of course, the first thing you should do is talk to the person about what’s happening. They may agree to get their work in earlier next time, but if they don’t, move to step 3. If they agree and follow through, great. If they agree, but don’t follow through, go to Step 2.
Step 2: Talk to them again and refer to your previous conversation: Outline the differences between what they agreed to do and what they actually did. Then ask them what happened. Provided you don’t come across as punishing, you may be able to get a good problem-solving conversation going to get to the root of the issue.
Now imagine the conversation ends with them saying they’ll change, but they don’t – move on to Step 3.
Step 3: Talk to them again, but this time add tone. “Tone” is not yelling, and, in all honesty, it’s difficult to define. It’s facing the person full-on, looking them in the eye, and explaining how their behaviour is impacting the team. Let your voice go to the place where you can show that what you’re talking about really matters – maybe you’ll speak quieter or a little slower than normal.
For some people, a change in tone is what they need to hear. However, if your coworker still doesn’t make a change, try Step 4.
Step 4: Tell them about the consequences. Explain that you will have to do one or more of the following if they are unable to change:
Go to the supervisor: Make it clear that you’d be forced to bring their performance issue up with your mutual supervisor. Emphasize that you’d rather work things out between the two of you (it really does make things a lot simpler), but you will do this if they’re unable to change.
A workaround: If your coworker is already getting paperwork in late, you already have to work around them. Maybe you’re forced to do the work for them, get someone else to do it, or, when they finally do get the paperwork in, you have to stay after hours to catch up. Maybe this makes it difficult for you to trust them in other situations, but whatever you have to do because your coworker isn’t cooperating is a workaround.
If you’re someone who will silently do the workaround, try to turn your resentment into a negotiation tactic. Instead of silently seething, tell the person that you’re starting to resent them so they can better understand how they’re impacting you. Be sure to add that you don’t want to resent them, which is why you’re asking for the change.
Even if you’re not going to talk to the supervisor, explain that you’d be forced to say why you’re doing the workaround if anyone asked – you don’t want to make them look bad, but you also don’t want to lie.
Step 5: Follow-through on the consequences: If their behaviour continues, they’ve actually communicated that they want you to follow through on the consequences – so go ahead and do what you said you would do.
When handling performance issues in this way, you avoid overreacting and giving in to “tell, tell, silence, yell.” While it doesn’t feel great if you end up having to do a workaround, at the very least these steps make your intentions and feelings about the situation clear, and allow you to take action with a clear conscience.
Do you find your work meaningful? There are undoubtedly many factors that influence whether you find meaning in your work – the balance between time spent alone vs. time spent with people, your stress level, and even the degree of novelty, creativity, and physical activity all seem to play a role. It’s important that the job fits with who you are.
Nevertheless, according to glassdoor.com, the career that is most satisfying to the greatest number of people is this: corporate recruiter. [1]
The good news is that while we have other tasks, all leaders are, in a way, recruiters. Whether we scroll through LinkedIn looking for new blood to hire, do interviews, or observe our present reports to select a successor, we recruit people for jobs. Even delegating is a kind of recruiting.
Leaders should take the recruiting and hiring aspect of their job seriously. In their book, How Google Works, former Google CEO Eric Schmidt, and former Google Senior Vice President Jonathan Rosenberg declare that hiring is the most important thing a leader does. [2]
That’s quite a claim, but it makes sense given the fact that, when you hire, you determine who will be in the organization (and who won’t be). Given the importance of recruiting, and the level of satisfaction it gives leaders, we have a right to spend energy on this.
Early in our organization’s history, we interviewed in the same way that many organizations do – with the goal of finding the most skilled, educated, and experienced candidate. Using this approach worked for us some of the time, but the results were unpredictable. We learned that this type of hiring process sometimes gave us employees who were technically capable of doing their jobs, but who found their work unsatisfying or did not resonate with the mission of our company.
As a result, we began to tailor our interviews with the goal of discovering each candidate’s innate talent or aptitude, while discerning their fit for our culture…
After shifting the approach of our interviews to assess for innate talent and aptitude, we found that we were much more likely to establish mutually satisfying employment relationships.
As leaders, our most important job is to get the right people in the right places. That means knowing our people’s talents and aptitudes, and matching them to right work. When we do this, our people are themselves more satisfied – and we are too.
Sometimes leaders make poor decisions. Human history is littered with stories of decisions that make you wonder, Why did they think that would be a good idea?
“Leaders are human beings, just like the rest of us,” is what people often say. Indeed, it’s true that our tendency to see our leaders with halos around their heads is part of the trouble, but that doesn’t explain all of it. What follows are some dangers leaders face that can lead to poor decisions… more
How to Stop the Cycle of Disrespect
How do you react when someone is disrespectful towards you at work? It’s easy to get caught in a cycle of disrespect because our natural inclination is to respond aggressively or defensively.
This is because human beings tend to mirror each other. But with negative behaviours like disrespect, we often go a step further and escalate the situation. For example… more
A Leader’s Job: Finding Meaning in Helping Others Find Meaning
Do you find your work meaningful? There are undoubtedly many factors that influence whether you find meaning in your work – the balance between time spent alone vs. time spent with people, your stress level, and even the degree of novelty, creativity, and physical activity all seem to play a role. It’s important that the job fits with who you are.
Nevertheless, according to glassdoor.com, the career that is most satisfying to the greatest number of people is this: corporate recruiter… more
Do You Have to Like Your Colleagues?
As a workplace mediator I’m sometimes asked, “Do I have to like the people I work with?” I’m always tempted to tell them “No” – that they just have to do their jobs – but that wouldn’t quite be true. I say this because effective communication requires positive interactions among team members.
Imagine that Adrian and Bobby work for you, and they recently had a conflict with each other. Adrian feels like it’s been resolved, but Bobby doesn’t. As a result, Bobby’s negative feelings towards the whole thing turn into a dislike for Adrian. You discuss the conflict with them individually, but don’t seem to be getting anywhere. You even attempt to resolve it by telling Bobby, “Well, you don’t have to like Adrian, you just have to respect him.” In a way, that’s a good thing because at least you’re holding Bobby to a standard of respect. However… more
High Stakes Civility
When stakes are high and your performance matters most, you and your team will likely get stressed. But how will you treat each other? Will you all take a deep breath, make sure communication is respectful and straightforward, and motivate each other by using language that acknowledges that you’re all in it together? Or, will you become short with each other, feeling that you have less time to be polite, and causing you to become more terse with your instructions? Will your colleagues notice that the tone of your voice has changed? Will you find yourself giving more negative feedback than you normally would? Your answers matter… more
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Think back to your first day at your current job. Were you greeted at the door with fanfare and taken for lunch? Or, were you shown to your workstation and given an employee handbook? How did the way people treated you make you feel about your new workplace? How did this affect your subsequent behaviour at work? more
How to Make Your Mission Meaningful
Your organization’s mission and values should provide clarity for workers, helping everyone “row in the same direction.” But sometimes they don’t.
I once worked in a human resources office with a multi-national corporation of 3,500 employees. I’ll call the company “Big International.” While Big was built on a foundation of hard work and had some good products that were prominent in the North American marketplace for a while (until they were beat out by price), there were some things happening there that disheartened me.
Your organization’s mission and values should provide clarity for workers, helping everyone “row in the same direction.” But sometimes they don’t… more
5 Techniques to Help Fight Focus Fatigue
I gazed at the 30 expectant faces. I opened my mouth to speak but the words weren’t there. My sentences began with “Um,” or “Uuuh…”. I had written the presentation, but it was coming out as slowly as an 8-year-old goes to bed. When I finally found the words, they weren’t quite what I wanted to say. I tried to list the companies who had been my clients in the last year and struggled to remember more than 2 out of 4 of them. I would get an idea for a joke, but my timing was too hesitant.
I looked at my wife, who was recording the presentation so I could use the video to apply for my Certified Speaking Professional designation. I cast my eyes on a man in the audience who had the ability to hire me for considerably more work if I could impress him. But it wasn’t going to happen. Not today. What’s gone wrong? I wondered. What fuzzed-out my brain?more
10 Strategies for Detecting and Responding to Lying
Here’s the shocking news: We may not think of ourselves as liars, but we have all lied. Most of us lie just a little bit to make others feel better, simplify explanations by omitting details, or exaggerate to get a small reward such as admiration from our peers. Our own bending of the truth (lying) makes it difficult to spot and respond positively to more serious types of lying, such as compulsive lying… more
Guidance for Managing Your Team’s Emotional Climate
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The bedrock of these behaviours can be found in a team’s emotion norms: how team members expect each other to respond emotionally to various events… more
Leadership Strategies for Reducing Resistance
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You’ve probably noticed that even when they’re not angry, people can be illogically resistant… more
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I have two teenage boys. In 2017, this means I watch a lot of superhero movies.
The superhero movies I like best are the origin stories, like Batman Begins or Antman, where the protagonist goes from being a relatively normal guy to a stupendous fighting machine. It’s hard to relate to movies that are only crazy, high-powered action, but seeing a regular person become a super-duper-world-protector can be quite rousing.
When I worked at Palliser Furniture, Human Resources had a Palliser origin story. more
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I’ll admit – there are times when I haven’t brought up concerns that were bothering me. more
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In the social sciences, researchers determine the true impact of variable things by changing one variable and keeping everything else the same, then observing the result.
I experienced something similar recently when I was confronted by two very real people on the same day. I’ll call them Albert and Ziggy. more
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“I wonder what’s it like to be married to you…” I turned. The workshop participant was behind me, to the side, looking thoughtful, pensive, and curious. It wasn’t a pick-up, but a pondering.
I have taught conflict resolution skills for 20 years and it’s a question I occasionally get asked. more
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What kind of jokes are healthy? What kind lead to good teamwork? Social scientist Rod Martin categorized humor into four categories and research on these four categories is being carried on throughout the world. While all of these categories can be good, too much of some can be dangerous. Below are the good, the usually good, and the slippery slope types of humor. more
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When we came back home, we found that we hadn’t come back the same, more
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Focus on a Few Good Skills – What the NFL Teaches Us about Conflict Resolution
Coach Tony Dungy has won more games than any other coach in NFL history. Before Dungy NFL games were a matter of psyching out one’s opponent. Those with the most complicated and surprising plays won.
But Dungy didn’t want his players to know a lot of plays. He wanted them to know a few plays and do them automatically. more
Missed Opportunity – Failing to See the Other Person’s Interests
The following is a true story told to me by a workshop participant. It is shared with permission but modified to protect the identities of the persons involved. The person who told it to me is “Caleb” in the story.
Alvin Zemlock sat behind his desk, and Caleb faced him. The Room was tense. Alvin was the founder and CEO of Zemlock construction. Caleb represented a union and saw Alvin as an enemy, and for good reason. Not only was Alvin’s company not unionized, Alvin had publicly spoken out against the union some years ago. So Caleb would have loved to see Zemlock unionize.
Caleb had been distributing union flyers in the Zemlock Construction employee parking area with pleasure. But moments later was ushered into the Zemlock Construction head office, face-to-face with Zemlock himself. What was the CEO’s plan, Caleb wondered. Did he intend to intimidate him? more
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